Jokes and Humor Home - Jokes About - Whatever!

Jokes and Humor Home - Jokes About - Whatever!:
"The Black Sheep of the Family"

You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let's say that your great-great uncle, Remus Smith, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Arkansas in 1889.
A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words:
'Remus Smith: Horse thief, sent to Arkansas Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Arkansas Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889.'
Pretty grim situation, right? But let's revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot.

Next, we rewrite the text:

'Remus Smith was a famous cowboy in the Arkansas Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Arkansas railroad.
Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed. "

Family Discipline
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, that were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.
The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is GOD?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home and hid in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it"

Family?

This note was left in our guestbook by Rose Marie Smith in January 2005.If anyone could help her out it would be great.
"I'm a Smith who descends out of Arkansas. Does anyone have knowledge of James S. & Mary, their kids, James A., Andrew, Amanda, Mary, and Malen. Old Smith from South Carolina, to Tennessee, first family, wife Rachel, kids, Nickolas, Livonia Jane, William Don, Lucy, and Frances. Arkansas counties, Independence, Izard, Lawrence, Fulton, and Sharp."
Her e-mail link is in the guestbook. rmsmith1959@sbcglobal.net
Thankyou,Robert